Sunday, August 12th, 2007 8:36 am by
J David 
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I get spam comments; loads of them. In fact, I am overwhelmed with them. Sure, most of my comments are spam free (or I take care of that as soon as possible), but that is only because of the wonderful spam filtering that I have. I still get to look at the kind of spam I get. And you know what? I think that my spam is personal; they are like little messages about my soul. Now I am going to share with you how to truly read your spam.
What I have created here for you is a way to interpret your spam. Believe it or not, your spam knows you better than you know yourself! Consider this as a type of guide; you know, like the ones in the back of trashy supermarket tabloids.
Type of Spam
-
No Message
Having a spam comment that doesn’t actually have any text shows that you are empty and alone. You always find yourself wanting more, but you can never find it.
-
Just a Link
If your spam comment only has a link, then you are the type of person that likes everything fast and to the point. You like fast food, fast net connections and fast one night stands; man are you shallow.
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Short Message with Spelling Errors
This most common spam message signifies your wanting to spend time on the things in your life, yet you lack the will to completely follow through. Perhaps you are lazy or maybe just a little dumb.
-
Massive, Page Long Messages
These behemoths are reserved for those with way too much time on their hands. You always went the extra mile; and then some. What a suck up…
Spam Keywords
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Mortgage Refinancing
There are money troubles in your future. You need to solve these cash problems soon, or else GoDaddy might sell off your domain!
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Viagra
Your love life is floundering. You need to re-spark the romance; or perhaps spark it for the first time ever. Either way, get out of the basement and into the light of day!
-
Ford Cars
You are finding that getting around is becoming more and more difficult. Not even those fancy ergonomic chairs are helping. Soon you will actually become molded into your couch.
-
Help Feed Africans
You are starting to put on some pounds and feel down about yourself. You are just eating too much! So much so, that you are affecting the world’s supply of food.
WARNING: This was only a joke. Please do not take me seriously. Ever. Should you need advice, consult a real spam reader…
LOL!
Haha, very funny article. A great read.
Thanks guys. It was fun to write too!
Rofl. In the land of seriousness this article is king. Nice Post!
Very challenging observations indeed.
Those who only post links have serios sexual disfunction problems too.
LOL
i fall in this category
“Short Message with Spelling Errors”
HAHA, great post J David!
I liked the Help Feed Africans one. “So much so, that you are affecting the world’s supply of food.”
LOL
Have you received the “I know many spammers and I will ask them not to post on your site for a link” spam yet David?
LOL! funny. I’ll translate it into russian language!)
Very challenging observations indeed.
Those who only post links have serios sexual disfunction problems too.
LOL! funny. I’ll translate it into russian language!)
That’s was a good joke man.
But sure make you start to think if anyone maybe be true.
Now this made my day! Thanks David! ………….
Question: If you get time you could guest post on my blog
I would let you spam me lol
Nice classification of spammers. Going to 3-rd category :).
aaaa
really funny
good one!!
That is funny! Nice post.
Lol!
cool list…
Nice list, lol
This is a hilarious post. But once I read it, I guess your spam may tell quite a bit about you! LOL It’s funny, I get different types of spam depending on which email account I use. Yahoo gives me different spam than Gmail! How does that happen? LOL
Thanks again for the joke.
Have a nice day.
I’ll rather not say a word.
I don’t understand how people who post long comments are spamming?
As long as the posts are long AND constructive then why should it matter?
Great spam identification
I seem to get a lot more spam since I’ve submitted my sites to search engines and directories.
Lol this is funny. Though some of the things I sometimes get in my SPAM I really don’t think it says anything about me lol, or at least I hope not!
The funniest part is that if we use any of the words from the article, our comments will not get through the filters !
“that is only because of the wonderful spam filtering that I have”
But seems like you are not longer moderate all the comments here…
yep, i think there’s no mod here for a long time now
Spam for me are those writings with no depth and not associated with the topic.
thanks for share
Good joke. Too bad that the spammers will not read it. I wish I would see their face
And this blog now is already flooded by lot of spam message…
Wow! Spam!